firstwivesworld - The Hole in my Soul - Comments

Life in an Employment-Defined Vacuum

Akillah Wali — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 11:19:54 -0400

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I know how hard it is: you try not to let the job define you, sometimes being downright insistent that it doesn't. When the rubber meets the road, you find out how much you were wrong, and are left searching for your soul AND a new job. Irony of ironies, we now have two full-time jobs that pay absolutely nothing. My family is also scattered to the four winds, but I find that having them so far helps me remain a little more focused on the things I need to do for myself. I know they love and support me, and would do it from wherever they happened to be. Hang in there. Things will get better - they have to ;)

The Hole in my Soul

Guest — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 11:47:44 -0400

I feel your pain. After 21 years at the same company I was severed 6 months ago and am still unable to find employment. Having no job or close family nearby, I feel like I'm in an abyss of nothingness; one day runs into the next..is it Saturday or Wednesday? Sad how much our jobs define us!

The Hole in my Soul

Akillah Wali — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:48:24 -0400

I am about a month into my new life — and I am slowly losing my mind.

Actually, it’s not that slow.

Since leaving school, I have traveled back to the West Coast to present some research, moved — to the suburbs, no less -- and have not managed to find a job. I cannot tell you how badly my nerves are frayed. If not for the fact that I am afraid of lightning storms, I would probably be able to run about 100 miles fueled by nervous energy.

I know life changes are not supposed to be easy. I have been through enough of them to know this is the case. But that doesn’t keep my insecurities from welling up and overriding my rational mind.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is that so much is out of my control. Nothing chafes me as much as being without a job. Living in a country where people are defined by what they do, (I’m an investment banker, I’m a teacher, I’m a dog trainer), doing nothing leaves them feeling like they have nothing, like they are nothing.

I hate labels, always have, but that doesn’t fill the cavernous hole in my soul that not having a job has created.