Having A Full Relationship With The Steps And Halves

Debra Burrell — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 08:24:34 -0400

Many people wonder about the kind of relationship, if any, they should have with step-children, “half’ siblings, and other extended young family members. Is it really necessary to have a relationship with your ex’s step-child?

In any kind of relationship there is the opportunity to build up or to tear down. So when the question arises about relationships between adults and children often more than 40 years of age apart, the issue is: If you do want to have a relationship with this child, are you capable of taking a positive stand on the child’s behalf? Are you able to relate with kindness and compassion?

A positive stand means to come from a position that allows you to believe in the best possible outcome for you both. Of course that’s not easy to do — because there are so many other more negative or primitive feelings that can come up in the adult. A threat to survival or a change in everyday routines will bring up intensely strong feelings in both adults and children. This child may have disrupted where and how you live. Whether this disruption is by accident or design doesn’t matter. That’s a very strong effect upon you.

So in order to have a full relationship with the Steps and the Halves — by marriage or by genetics — you have to be able to take a positive stand that allows for you to be kind and thoughtful to the child. Of course, sometimes the biological parent will discourage contact, but if they maintain some kind of neutrality, then the choice is yours.

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Having A Full Relationship With The Steps And Halves