firstwivesworld - The Seesaw Effect - Comments

you are speaking my language!!

Guest — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 19:33:12 -0400

I'm not alone??? This teeter totter phase is tortuous. Like you my husband would look "perfect" in someone else's eyes. But where are those feelings of desire, and excitement or even just wanting to do something together? At 44 I am experiencing for the first time, doubts about what I am meant to do with my life. Just returned from a trip with friends to Thailand volunteering, never felt so free and in touch with my true self EVER before. A trip that my husband is seething mad about because he wasn't a part of it. Some days I am CONVINCED there is a better place for me out there, and like you, on others, I am content just to 'pass time'. We are in couples therapy, but after each session I feel like I need an appointment with my own psychologist to sort me out again. I have been seeing a very open-minded therapist for the past year since this see-saw put me into a deep depression. "Good moms/wives shouldn't feel like this was typical of the tapes I listened to all day a year ago. She has made me feel much more comfortable in my own skin, and truly made me believe in myself. Boy, it would be nice to have a group like this to gather with in person. Thanks for sharing your heart - it has done a lot to help me find my own peace.

Wow!

Guest — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 04:17:31 -0400

I'm kind of in the same boat as you. Only, I still haven't made a solid choice on what to do. I blog on my myspace page, and looking at them all they seem to teeter-totter a lot! I honestly wish that I knew what to do, and how to do it, and last but not least... WHEN to do it! I'm so confused! *sigh*

The Seesaw Effect

Maya Halpen — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:00:37 -0400

Looking back at all my posts recently, I had to laugh. One of the first was called "Should I Stay or Should I Go?" That could be the title for all my posts, for my entire blog, and indeed for my life!

In my early posts, I waffled, now and then seemingly determined to pursue one course of action, only to change my mind a week later. But mostly I described my relationship with Rob as something damaged. The question was, and remains: Is it irrevocably so?

Today as a warm breeze drifts through my study window and my thoughts flow easily through my head and onto the page, I feel more comfortable in my apartment with Rob, indeed in my own skin, than I've felt in a while.

Some fellow FWW bloggers and readers say don't make a move until you're certain, and when you're certain, you'll know it. Others say I owe it to myself to leave. The latter is not unwarranted or unhelpful advice, but I don't know anything for certain, and I think I'm going to stay put for now. Feels right.

Where staying put with no big-picture plan seemed torturous just weeks ago, it doesn't seem so hard to bear at the moment. Why is this so? Couples therapy? Recent time apart from Rob as I traveled with a friend? Rob's continued evolution through therapeutic work? Maybe all?

One thing I've learned: being gentle with each other, allowing space for independent growth, and not giving in to fear when our directions diverge or seem unwieldy brings a bit of relief.