Episode 27: Divorce Diet

Tue, 03 Jun 2008 09:12:28 -0400

When I first got separated (such a ladylike term — it should be "wrenched," or "torn," or "severed," that's more like it) all I did was eat. Cheesecake, Pop Tarts, Cap'N Crunch, all the stuff that Jeffrey hated and that I knew was bad for me went straight into my "separated" body. I guess the idea was that the bad stuff would fill me up — you know, the separated parts would theoretically all come back together because all that fat and sugar would round me out, as it were. I'm sure you can understand what I was thinking. It made a lot of sense at the time, plus I was always hungry and common sense told me food was the way to go.

That lasted for a little while, and then, for lack of a better option, and with the encouragement of Annabelle (no, we haven't totally mended the fence yet, but we're working on it) I joined a gym. I've always hated gyms. The idea of sweating in front of strangers never appealed to me (I can't imagine why) and the thought of seeing all those nubile twenty-something actress wannabes (this is Los Angeles after all) flaunting their belly rings made my own Buddha belly turn. But I went anyway, out of boredom, more than anything else, and the belief that even though I was eating everything that was put in front of me, (a little shout out to Fritos here), the working out would literally, make me a stronger person. That somehow, a treadmill was going to propel me in the direction that I needed to go.

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Episode 27: Divorce Diet