firstwivesworld - Father Doesn't Know Best - Comments

the dad

Guest — Thu, 29 May 2008 22:23:16 -0400

I am not at all clear what this nurse is expecting you to do. In our jurisdiction and I expect most others it is a doctor who must declare a person incompetent if they are a danger to themselves or others. A child has no more authority to do this then the next door neighbour. People can appoint a substitute descion maker when they are still well who will make their decisions when they cease to be competent. These are called Powers of Attorny for Personal Care or Durable Power of Attorneys or Living Wills. If your father named yout then you are the person to make decsions but that doesn't seem to be the case. Your father was probably always mentally ill. Do not let yourself feel embarassed about this. We do not pick our parents and certainly do not make them.

Just say no...

Cathy Meyer — Tue, 27 May 2008 13:02:36 -0400

Faith, go to the experts and resources section and read my article published today. You need to cultivate a little selfishness in my opinion. You should not feel guilty over not wanting to take on the responsibility for someone who never showed any responsibility for you. It is unreasonable for anyone to expect such a thing from you. Take care of yourself and your son and let your father become someone else's problem. There is no wrong in that.

Tell her to find someone else to lower the boon.

Wanda Woodard — Tue, 27 May 2008 10:43:44 -0400

Oh, Faith, how terrible for you. Your father is a bastard, an unfeeling selfish narcissist. You owe him nothing! When I think of the pain he caused you all your life, at a time when you (we) need to be reassured we are loved and protected and safe. Tell the social worker that your father isn't impaired. He's just selfish and lazy. He doesn't deserve to have the state take care of him. You can let this go. It is not your responsibility. You have a son to take care of. Let someone else take care of your neglectful and abusive father. Wash your hands of it!

Father Doesn't Know Best

Faith Eggers — Tue, 27 May 2008 10:06:29 -0400

I know we're supposed to be talking about divorce here, but I want to interject for a moment, and tell you all about my dad. My therapist seems to think that my relationship, or rather, lack of a real relationship with my father, is extremely relevant to the topic at hand.

My father is an alcoholic and a drug addict. He's a lying, manipulative and abusive person. He makes me absolutely nuts.

I can't even tell you how hard it is for me to admit this, it's so embarrassing.

He's probably been this way my whole life, but being that I was so young, I didn't realize it. It all became apparent though, by the time I was 13, and he went to jail for the first time. At least the first time that I know about.

He went to jail, he got out, he made my life hell — taking me with him to cop drugs, driving around drunk with me in the car, saying nasty, belligerent and inappropriate things to me and to my friends — then he went back to jail again. The process would repeat itself over and over and over again. Except sometimes jail would be substituted with a stint in the hospital and a promise that everything was going to change.

It's 15 years later, and he's still doing the same thing.

He's in Virginia now — just got out of jail again. Of course, it was someone else's fault. It always is.

After he was released from jail this time, the state (I think) paid for him to stay at a motel, for a week. He called me while he was there, telling me that he had a job and a plan, etc. etc. etc. The next call I got was from a social worker at a psychiatric hospital, informing me that my father was there and that she'd like to speak to me.