firstwivesworld - Making Excuses For Daddy - Comments

Reason for a divorce

Guest — Tue, 27 May 2008 05:07:15 -0400

Part of the reason I decided to divorce my husband was because I was tired of making these excuses for him when he would cancel a planned trip home at the last minute to stay in the other city where he works. My son couldn't stand it. Now he wants to be Super-Dad, tho, is fighting me for 50 percent, fully shared custody and I'm left seething and praying that the court will have the sanity to see that people don't change overnight and this separation and occasional weekend visiting has been going on for sixy years now _ our son's ENTIRE life.

Making excuses for Daddy

sewi — Mon, 19 May 2008 08:53:42 -0400

This is, arguably, the WORST aspect of divorce. Worse than being broke, stressed, afraid about the future.....you name it. It's the worst, because not only does it never end..........it intensifies, and continues...and your kids get older, and much wiser, and can predict the hurt coming their way. I just can't fathom these selfish "parent" actions. They just don't work in my brain. My Ex now lives 3 states away, (hefought me for years to be a 50% co-parent, and after winning that.... at the cost of a college education for our daughter....) is now sometimes, a father 4 days a month, With never so much as a phone call in between.

Making Excuses For Daddy

JulieSavard — Sun, 18 May 2008 10:00:00 -0400

"Well, I wanted to go for a walk in the woods, and I have to get ready for that fishing trip on Monday, and I might want to take a nap...and I don't feel like cooking supper... How about next week? Next week is better for me."

No, next week was not better. Next week was far too long for a little girl missing her daddy. I pointed that out.

"Aw, don't make me feel guilty. I really don't want to feel guilty about this. I need time to do my own things and..."

When you separate and you have children, be prepared. Be prepared to be the one who has to explain, gently, why we can't go see Daddy. Or why Daddy doesn't come have supper more often. Or why daddy has to leave to go home.

Despite being used to this, despite knowing all the right words and the proper how-tos, I still feel the pain of having to disappoint a child when Dad just doesn't want to be a dad.

Does it make me mad? Sure. Sure it does. Fathers should be there for their kids — all the time.

What makes this such a hot issue when a couple splits up, though? I know married couples that live together and the father works 70 hours a week. He barely sees his kids. I know mothers too wrapped up in their own lives to care for their kids.

When a couple splits up, why do people suddenly get all upset if dad doesn't want the kids for a day or a week? What changed beyond the situation before?

I don't begrudge my ex his need for time on his own. No one should have to have their weeks full of work and responsibilities with no spare time left to relax and do what they want.

There's compromise, too. My girl wants to see her dad. Dad wants to be alone for a while. "How about if we come at 3 and just stay for a few hours? You have time to do your stuff and she'll be happy to see you."