Step Lightly: How Step-Moms Can Get Some Love

Marsha Temlock — Fri, 09 May 2008 18:42:48 -0400

Most step moms don't expect warm and fuzz Hallmark greetings this holiday. But, you can have a loving relationship with your step children. It just takes time.

With about half of marriages ending in divorce and a strong remarriage rate, millions of women inherit children they are expected to love, honor and cherish the day they say, "I do." It's rarely easy. But it's worth the effort.

Here are some tips to help you bond with the brood you've been given:

Be patient with your stepchild and yourself. They key is to be realistic. Remember loving feelings do not spring up automatically on either side. As one step mom said to me, "I thought I would love my husband's ten-year-old son and I had a lot of guilt when I couldn't get past some of his bad behavior."

Be sensitive to the stress he or she is experiencing. Children of divorce have to deal with many changes during and after divorce. First they had to adjust to life with a single parent, now they have to adjust to remarriage and possibly a new family constellation made up of other children and a host of new relatives they didn't bargain for.

Learn to know the child as an individual. Spend quality time with your stepchild without your husband. During those times, allow the child to direct the activity — even if it's just spending a couple of hours watching cartoons.

Don't try to replace the parent or try to buy love. If you buddy up too quickly, kids are likely to get suspicious. Besides, kids can smell a phony a mile away.

Earn respect by being respectful of differences. Don't make judgments or compare your stepchildren to other kids — especially your own! Recognize that much went into shaping the child's personality. The more open you can be, the better.

firstwivesworld - Step Lightly: How Step-Moms Can Get Some Love - Comments

Step Lightly: How Step-Moms Can Get Some Love