Settlements and Shackles

Guest — Thu, 08 May 2008 11:40:24 -0400

Accept the money and don't feel guilty. If the shoe were on the other foot I'm sure he would take it from you. The tie it creates won't last forever. You deserve the money. Good Luck. Guest

If the positives outweigh

Guest — Wed, 07 May 2008 20:38:43 -0400

If the positives outweigh the negatives, I think it's okay to accept this money. He wants to give it and you don't have to worry about cash flow for a bit. Without knowing anything about Jake, he seems quite decent in this situation. The guilt is perhaps you feeling as if you don't deserve the money. Could that be it? CM

Settlements and Shackles

Alice Brooks — Wed, 07 May 2008 15:00:47 -0400

Getting a settlement is handy. Since Jake owns a company, since the company is lucrative, since we were married for 10 years, and since he's not an asshole, mine is a decent one. More than decent, really. Because giving me what we determined is "my share" all at once would effectively close his company down, our arrangement is spread over the next five years.

This means that I can afford to stay in San Francisco. This means that I have some money to invest against the day the payments stop. This means I don't have to panic about money for the next little bit.

This also means that he and I are tied for the next five years.

I didn't want any money from him when we split. It felt wrong, somehow. It felt icky. I didn't want the tie. I'm rational enough to take it, but we're still in a relationship this way. This necessitates communication. There's a monthly reminder. It's a connection I don't like having.

Sometimes I wonder if the complete and absolute freedom would be worth it. But this money means that I am having a far, far, far easier time of it than other women in the same situation. With all I have to worry about, paying my bills is not, for the moment, one of them. So I feel enormously guilty for the bad feelings I have.

How do I not feel guilty for resenting this? How do I accept this help while hating the ties it makes and keeps?

firstwivesworld - Settlements and Shackles - Comments

Settlements and Shackles

If the positives outweigh

Settlements and Shackles