firstwivesworld - About a Boy - Comments

Hi CM. Good question. The

Maya Halpen — Sun, 11 May 2008 00:10:50 -0400

Hi CM. Good question. The answer is no, I didn't expect he would change. But his behavior didn't really bother me at the beginning. I couldn't have dreamt of wanting him to change. I found him entertaining, and if you're where I was mentally and emotionally when I first started dating Rob, you'd eat it up. Someone wanting attention from you is in and of itself a form of attention paid to you, and I needed attention myself at the time. Anyway, clearly much has changed since then. The act wore off. In the ensuing years he did a lot for me, and me for him, and now we don't need what each other has to offer (see next couple posts). I'm getting there.... Thanks for all your great comments!

Um, did you expect him to

Guest — Tue, 06 May 2008 10:26:21 -0400

Um, did you expect him to change? Or did you just choose to ignore these personality traits? Yes, we should grow and evolve, but people don't change that much when it comes to personality. I'm afraid his punny one-liners are here to stay. CM

About a Boy

Maya Halpen — Mon, 05 May 2008 06:00:35 -0400

Rob has a boyish charm. Soon after we met, I came to adore him. But his childlike approach to the world later became a turn-off.

Imagine a guy who excitedly coos at cats and dogs, exclaiming "hello!" in a loud and squeaky baby voice to all that pass by. Sweet. But he also has a cache of "punny" one-liners that by now I've heard two million times each.

And there are the dances — his repertoire includes the "I got a raise" dance, "It's the weekend" dance, and "We're going on vacation" dance. You get the idea. It's as if he were a 10-year-old performing for his aunts and uncles after a holiday meal. Constantly.

While this was fine when I was younger and — let's face it — a bit messed up and needing attention myself, now it's terribly annoying. Of course, the behavior belies a lack of confidence. The boyish charm disarms and deflects attention from his true feelings and anxiety. I see that, and I have great compassion for his discomfort. But at our age?

I want a partner who can stand next to me to meet life head on. I'm all for celebrating with childlike excitement, but I also want to be able to enjoy dinner parties next to a confident and calm man capable of sophisticated conversation.

I don't want to journey through life like a mother trailing a child entertainer by the hand. I want a man I don't have to raise myself. Cute boy or confident man? I have a strong attraction to the latter. Can you blame me?