firstwivesworld - Should You Stay Together For The Kids? - Comments

Yes, it is for the children in the end

Wanda Woodard — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:18:02 -0400

I kept going back because I thought the children needed their father. I thought the abuse was just reserved for me, of course I wasn't thinking very clearly back then. It was only after a year of being away from him that my children revealed to me some of the mental abuse (and even some physical) that their father had heaped upon them. When I asked them why they had not told me before and while we were there with their father, they said, "we weren't sure you wouldn't go back to him until now." It broke my heart. Thank God he hit me -- the physical violence is what brought me to my senses. It was a lose/lose for everyone involved. Thank you for helping to validate my decision to leave.

Divorce for the sake of the children

Guest — Wed, 07 May 2008 20:20:45 -0400

If it wasn't for my children I might still be in an abusive marriage. It's amazing what you can do for your children that you don't feel justified in doing for yourself. No matter what else in life my children had to face I knew that they had to be protected from living in that marriage day after day.

You hit home.

Wanda Woodard — Wed, 07 May 2008 09:33:18 -0400

Tammy, I was in an abusive marriage (it didn't start that way) and had to make the decision to leave everything and save my life and the mental health of my children. That meant leaving all the money and property and the best job I'd ever had. And I was 49 at the time -- a little old to be starting over from scratch with nothing. But, as you say, abuse cannot be tolerated. You (the victim) have to leave, period. End of story. Thank you for reminding me that I did the only thing that I could do for the safety of my children and myself.

Should You Stay Together For The Kids?

Tammy Gold — Mon, 05 May 2008 08:24:18 -0400

Divorce is very difficult on the entire family. There can be emotional and physical strains on all members of the family, especially the children. Since divorce can be so traumatic on children, many couples try to do anything they can to shield their children from this fate. When examining the aspects of whether a couple should or should not divorce, it is important to take into account various data points regarding each particular family.

There are many reasons that some couples decide to stay together. One may be that they are able to maintain normal family relations regardless of their martial state. In this instance, the parents might believe that since their issues are not harming their children, they will continue to maintain the family dynamic until they are no longer able to do so. These particular parents have made the decision to suppress their own needs until the children are older and out of the home so there will be less traumatic events for the children.

Monetary issues also play a role in whether couples stay together or not. If the couple deems that by separating they will be in great financial distress, they may wait until the time that both parents will be stable enough on their own. These couples know that if they had to separate, both the parents and children would suffer due to the monetary loss. For example, a mother who had originally stayed at home might have to return to work. In turn, younger children might be forced into a childcare situation which would be a big change for them. Other issues would affect the children if there were monetary strains from a divorce, from large changes such as a loss of their home to even small changes such as not being able to purchase extra items such as toys.