firstwivesworld - Nobody's Schedule But My Own - Comments

Daunting indeed. I feel for

Maya Halpen — Sun, 11 May 2008 00:16:26 -0400

Daunting indeed. I feel for you. I give up too. And then I pick things back up with more fervor than before...only to drop them again. It feels like when I'm loving myself and sticking up for myself and trying to create my best future, I'm looking and planning, and don't feel bad about leaving Rob behind. But on days when I feel guilty, or worried about Rob, or am self-doubting, I lack the energy to carry on such plans and I give up and decide to stay a while longer. I need to find and act from a place in between those two. With strength to put myself first, but also compassion for Rob, I need to figure out how to leave. I hope you find a place within yourself that helps bring you what you want and need as well.

Stuck

solaro — Wed, 07 May 2008 02:20:45 -0400

I know how it feels to be stuck. Starting all over is a hassel. I start to look for a new place to live & it is daunting. I usually give up, it's too hard. Where to relocate, how will I afford it. I worry that my husband will end up losing our house. I am almost sixty years old. How will I get a job to support myself. I know what stuck feels like. I can't get out.

Nobody's Schedule But My Own

Maya Halpen — Sun, 04 May 2008 10:00:00 -0400

Regarding the decision to separate, a fellow FWW blogger told me that for her "It's a matter of discomfort having to surpass fear." Very wise. On the days I am certain leaving is the right thing to do though I can't quite do it, the underlying message here is my only comfort: the fear that keeps me stuck is not strange or unusual, and not something only I struggle with.

In an early job interview, an influential editor asked me how I felt about self-help books. This was more than a decade ago, and trying to impress her with an erudite reply, I told her I wasn't into them. She responded that the genre was poised to be the fastest growing in the English language market. Oops.

While that job didn't pan out, her prediction did. The number of titles purporting to help fix everything from low self-esteem to relationships skyrocketed, and people continue to buy them in droves. Apparently, millions of us feel stuck in some way. I am not alone.

"You aren't on anybody's schedule but your own," another supportive blogger wrote. Indeed, there are people out there who seem to know exactly how "stuck" feels. And more than any book I've read, the kind voices in this community lift me up when I'm uncertain even about my own uncertainty. This brings me more patience. And more time. Thank you.