firstwivesworld - Evening Dread - Comments

Knowing not much about your

Guest — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:11:47 -0400

Knowing not much about your relationship (other than that you have a ton of resentment and are seemingly putting the burden mostly on yourself to save your marriage) I would not advise you to leave based on this. Things are always much more complicated that. A no to counseling though is grounds for leaving in my world. he needs to give at leats that much to your relationship and if he can't that is a bad sign. Maybe that is why you want nothing to do with him?

how does a relationship...

Guest — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:25:00 -0400

go from "I promise to love you forever" to "I hate the idea he may touch me"? i would walk away if i felt that strongly.

Maybe it's not a question of

Guest — Sat, 03 May 2008 17:40:23 -0400

Maybe it's not a question of changing how you feel- maybe it's time to move on. CM

Evening Dread

Megan Thomas — Sat, 03 May 2008 12:00:00 -0400

Let me tell you what it's like to lay down for bed every night next to a man who you aren't sure you're supposed to still be with, although I'm sure there are plenty of you who already know what this experience is like.

I usually go to bed an hour or so after my husband because I work from home at night after the kids have gone to sleep. When I walk into the bedroom I walk quietly because I don't want to wake him. I slink into the bed as quietly as possible and don't move unless I have to. I try to settle into one position and I don't cough or fidget or roll over.

It's not that I'm such a nice wife that I don't want to wake him, although there's some of that there. The main reason I go through this ritual every night is because I don't want him waking up and thinking that we're going to indulge in some lovemaking. I don't want him rolling over and putting his arm around me. Some nights, his arm around me feels like I'm being smothered. I don't want him waking up and wanting to have some sort of deep conversation.

I'm exhausted, and I want to sleep.

It's impossible to not think about relationship issues when I'm lying in bed in silence, next to the man who has caused me so much grief. When he stirs and starts making the moves on me, I feel trapped. I want to cry. I want to push him away, pack my bags, and never come back.

As I experience these emotions I wonder if it's even possible for a relationship to bounce back when it has reached such a low point. How do you go from lying in bed, praying that your husband doesn't touch you, to one day looking forward to ending your evening with a nice snuggle?

Long story short: I don't know how to change how I feel.