Kids Behaving Badly & Other Signs They're Hurting

Elizabeth Berger MD — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:57:37 -0400

Children usually let you know their feelings through actions, not words. This is especially true in response to a complex situation like divorce. Kids may express themselves through problem behaviors that don't seem connected to the divorce at all.

In the second installment of our exclusive firstwivesworld series, Divorce Through a Child's Eyes, you'll learn to spot the signs that your child is hurting from the divorce. What are the behavior patterns? And how can you connect the dots and respond to the problems effectively? Here are the most common ways kids act out — more importanly, why and what you can about it:

SELFISHNESS

Many mothers notice that their children seem more self-involved after the divorce. Children sometimes act cynical and thoughtless — everything is "Me Me Me!"

The feelings behind it: Children enter the world feeling like the center of the universe — as if all of human history culminated in Mommy and Daddy meeting and having ME! As they mature, children gradually grow out of this self-centered worldview. But divorce is a sharp blow — forcing children to face the harsh reality, often before they're emotionally ready to deal with it.

How you can respond: You may feel like saying, "You're not the center of the universe, you know!" But that's precisely the problem. She's feeling marginalized and insignificant. Demonstrate that your love for her is, in fact, the center of your world — with a wink, a gesture or a hug — not a long lecture. That affection will help give her the reassurance she needs.

LACK OF AMBITION

Is your child bringing home poor grades or slacking off in certain areas? You may note that he seems discouraged and sad, or perhaps more invested in social activities than schoolwork.

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Kids Behaving Badly & Other Signs They're Hurting