To each his own- you just

Guest — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:39:54 -0500

To each his own- you just have to be honest with each other. If you can't talk about the sex you are having, and what you expect from it, then you shouldn't be having it at all... CM

Friends With What Sort of Benefits?

Andrea Nemerson — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 09:42:09 -0500

I ran a little piece here not long ago called "In Defense Of The One-Night Stand," making the point that sex, love, and intimacy are three related but disparate states, and that you don't have to have all three in play in order to make a satisfying connection with someone. Unless you do, of course.

There are a lot of us who do need to have all three at once or risk feeling used, hollow, dirty, or just plain lonely. Especially in the dispiriting aftermath of divorce, I think one ignores that need at one's peril: If you are feeling vulnerable, wounded, and betrayed, it is no time to go prove how tough you are by hooking up with strangers.

What if they're not strangers, though? The current phrase "friends with benefits" seems to have replaced the older, crasser, and yet less coldly transactional-sounding "f_ck buddies," but we all know what we're talking about, right? There's this guy, you like each other and there's mutual attraction, and you seem compatible enough in bed. So, once a week, or a month, or a year if you're wired that way, you get together and have fun and part friends ‘til next time, or so it's supposed to go. By either name, it's a functional enough arrangement when everybody has exactly the same degree of attachment (or, ideally, de-tachment). But the tightrope walking! The potential misunderstandings! The oh-so-delicate balance between "just" and "friends!" So few people can really finesse it and, failing that, it's often just another way to cause ourselves pain and disappointment—two things we don't need more of after a divorce, thank you.

firstwivesworld - Friends With What Sort of Benefits? - Comments

To each his own- you just

Friends With What Sort of Benefits?