firstwivesworld - Should I Stay or Should I Go? - Comments

Stay brave

ashboo — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 00:03:19 -0400

It didn't have this when I was where you are now. Friends I had and spoke to could only tell me I was crazy and to get over it. It made me feel all the more lonely and unhappy... almost to a point of hopelessness. This is such a great platform where noone will judge. Wish I had this then. You will work out what is best for you, and best for both of you. Ann

You are truly brave to open

Guest — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 23:39:39 -0500

You are truly brave to open up to a bunch of strangers online- thank you for sharing and opening up your heart- I do hope you find peace in however your situation unfolds. I look forward to reading more. CM

Indeed, so much more complicated!

Maya Halpen — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 10:40:08 -0500

Indeed, so much more complicated! More than I can fit in my first post. But stay tuned as I work to tease it out. The endeavor to write about it feels sad--each time I pull a strand a new sadness is revealed. But over the next few weeks I'm going to write about it all--the character of our relationship, what each of us wanted at the beginning and want now, our attempts to fix things. Sad but cathartic, you know? Contemplating separation is a frightening and lonely experience so far, and I appreciate that as I share it here, you in this community will be reading and lending your support.

Have you expressed your

Guest — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 21:47:00 -0500

Have you expressed your feelings to your husband? Clearly there are issues- no sex, no communication- do you want to work on the marriage? What do you want? What does he want? It seems to be more complicated than perhaps you are letting on... CM

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Maya Halpen — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:55:22 -0500

I'm nearing my mid-thirties and have been married for four years to a smart, kind man who was once a great lover and more, but who rapidly devolved into only a very good friend with whom I play house (one cat, no children).

These days we eat, clean, and organize our daily lives together nicely, but we have no sex, no plans to have children, and we avoid spending time with each other's families.

I'm painfully bored, depressed, and feel helpless to effect change. I wonder: Should I stay or should I go? It is far from obvious to me. I have nothing dramatic of which to accuse Rob, nor him of me-no cheating, no abuse, no significant neglect.

There are no grounds on which I could stomp out feeling assured I'm doing the right thing. We're just a bored couple who probably jumped too quickly into marriage.

Given the lack of clear-cut problems or safety concerns, you might say that I'd be crazy to leave a well-meaning husband. That I should stay put and be thankful for what I've got. That I should work harder. But one woman's Prince Charming is another's Mr. Wrong. Right?

As I contemplate leaving, I wonder how long must I pursue a salvage operation before I can justifiably call it quits. Would I be better to get the heck out now and get on with the rest of my life? Until I can decide a course of action, I am stuck here, unhappily married.