A Spiritual Divorce is Possible, Even if It is Only You

Guest — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:11:51 -0500

I found Debbie Ford's book very helpful during my expected divorce last spring due to my ex's affair. Despite the vengeful things he and his girlfriend did during and after, I often asked myself many times "What purpose does this action/word serve for you?" Sure, I was not perfect and did some "crazy" things, but I never took a stance of making him feel worse than me, because in the end it is really him who feels the worst and will always suffer for it. But, it does not mean I have not had a fun time fantisizing in what I would do. For a fun example, go to http://bitsandpieces1.blogspot.com/2006/05/divorce-story-with-happy-endi.... I wish I would have thought of this! Julia S.

"You Don't Need A Piece Of Paper"

Naomi Dunne — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0500

I think we can all say with relative certainty that divorce sucks. Unfortunately, the fact that it sucks discounts neither its reality nor its necessity. Holland's first divorce fair is a good indicator of that.

Following in the footsteps of the Austrian divorce fair last year, mediators, lawyers, financial planners and others convened in the Netherlands to create a one-stop shop for divorcing couples. In addition to the usual suspects, there were booths for dating services, paternity testing, and "divorce planners," who are less like wedding planners and more like financial advisors.

That the world needs another divorce fair does not surprise me. When it comes to divorce, little surprises me anymore. What surprises me is the attitude of those getting divorced. Elsbeth van den Berg, founder of a Dutch divorce Web site, says that couples treat each other horribly during the divorce process. "People feel rejected, neglected, and the only thing they want to do is not to say ‘I feel sad'. No, they want to say ‘I'm going to hurt you, like you hurt me.'"

Seriously, why does this happen? Across the world, 50 percent of married couples get divorced. We have to know that there's at least a chance it will happen to us. Why do we spend so much time raging? Why are we so hell-bent on revenge? Why do we spend so much more time hating him than we do loving ourselves? Why is spiritual divorce the exception, rather than the rule?

One of the attendees, an unmarried man there to get information for a divorcing friend, said "As far as I'm concerned, I think marriage is a failed institution. I think joining this failed institution is a waste of time. You don't need a piece of paper to say that you're in a relationship."

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A Spiritual Divorce is Possible, Even if It is Only You

"You Don't Need A Piece Of Paper"