http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/vibrant-voices/karen-morath/divorce-doesnt-define-me-anymore Comments for "Divorce Doesn't Define Me Anymore" en http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/vibrant-voices/karen-morath/divorce-doesnt-define-me-anymore#comment-4575 Wow I didn't realize that I am doing exactly what you were doing; letting divorce define me. It is so not who I am yet, it seems that it is the first thing I tell people when I meet them; that I"m recently divorced. I'm really glad I saw this and will start changing this immediately. Thanks for the wakeup call. Sat, 08 Mar 2008 01:17:11 -0500 Guest comment 4575 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/vibrant-voices/karen-morath/divorce-doesnt-define-me-anymore#comment-4390 Hmmm, divorce is not a bad word- good luck! CM Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:15:45 -0500 Guest comment 4390 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/vibrant-voices/karen-morath/divorce-doesnt-define-me-anymore <p>For a while there, being divorced defined me. I didn't do it or even let it happen on purpose, it just managed to sneak into everything I did. </p><p>When introducing myself, in both personal and professional situations, I would work the D-word in early. Not sure if it was me being my usual ‘tell you anything, no secrets' me or whether I wanted to deal with it early. Was I trying to avoid messy questions? Or was I pretending it was something I was proud of?</p><p>I used to squirm as I imagined people assuming I must not be very nice if someone divorced me or that I failed at marriage or that I imposed something ugly on my kids by putting my own needs ahead of theirs. </p><p>In actual fact, that wasn't just my imagination. People can be incredibly blunt, and I have been told all of the above. Still, I announced my divorced status to anyone who would listen. (How boring!) How stupid. </p><p>The thing is, I am thinking back as I write this. I have moved on and it has only just occurred to me. Now when I introduce myself, I define myself in terms of my work and tell almost everyone I have three children. (They're <i>not</i> boring.) <br /><br />I feel liberated by this development, like a return to when I was married or engaged or dating and didn't feel the need to announce my relationship status to define me. </p><p>Divorced is not who I am. It never was. But for a while I let it be. (Big mistake.)<br /><br /> </p> http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/vibrant-voices/karen-morath/divorce-doesnt-define-me-anymore#comments Mind and Spirit Moving Beyond Divorce Wed, 20 Feb 2008 16:00:05 -0500 Karen Morath 5543 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com