firstwivesworld - Looking Into Living Apart Together - Comments

not sure about the LAT

Guest — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 13:47:47 -0500

not sure if LAT is something that I can feel comfortable with. It does seem a little foreign to me, and since I also never heard of it before, not entirely sure if it could work. Although what I have realized is that living together with someone, despite being in love with them and caring about them, is still very difficult. Every morning I wake up, I find toast crumbs and coffee grinds by the sink. My husband leaves his dirty underwear in the bathroom, jogging clothes on the sofa, socks here and there....you name it, I clean it up. I really enjoy companionship and the idea of commitment, but I also enjoy freedom and flexibility in my own life. But I guess marriage and living with someone doesn't allow for those two idea to co-exist...

You're very welcome

JulieSavard — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 11:49:04 -0500

The concept of LAT relationships is fairly new, but gaining *great* speed and popularity as people realize that loving together doesn't mean living together. The fantastic thing is that it works. Children are happy, adults are happy, everyone has independence and yet a loving, wonderful relationship, and relationships have the potential to last much longer. It does take solid trust between the two people and the ability to work through feelings of fear or jealousy. We're human, after all - can we trust the other person is faithful? On the other hand, does keeping a partner in the same house to watch over loyalty offer a solution? I think not. An LAT relationship is a mature one based on what relationships should truly be about: love. Not living quarters. I wish you well, Rhonda (and all others here on the blog, as well as readers coping with difficult situations) and I hope that we all find the best solutions for our needs. I know I've found a few that work very well for me - I only wish I knew about them years ago :)

Looking Into Living Apart Together

Rhonda Harris — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0500

I read Julie Savard's posting about living apart together. I found this idea very interesting. I have obviously heard of couples living apart to "take a break" while trying to sort things out, usually while deciding if they actually want to stay in the relationship. I have not heard of couples going into the relationship with this understanding.

I found this delightfully interesting. I think this could be the path of any future relationship I may enter into. I like the idea of maintaining some of myself. I always seem to lose myself somewhere along the way when taking care of a man and trying to be that perfect wife.

I like the independence I have found in this post-divorce world. I have always been in some form of relationship it seems. The past two years have been the longest single period in my adult life — I have been alone to just actually get to know myself, which by the way, I am enjoying immensely. I like being in a relationship but can't say the same about living with someone else. I have enough dirty laundry and dishes of my own.

I realize that I am nowhere near entering another relationship. I need a lot more work on myself before that can even be an option. This sounds like the perfect compromise for me when I am ready.

I want to thank Julie for this information. I will continue to look deeper into this arrangement idea.