The Worst Kind Of Abuse

Akillah Wali — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 10:00:00 -0500

Last week, I unofficially started a liquid diet: coffee for breakfast, coffee for lunch, beer for dinner. No, these aren't lyrics to an Amy Winehouse song— this has become my life.

Last week, for some undefined reason, I felt as if my world has fallen in on my head, resulting in my first real panic attack in over five years. This was the worst it ever was, and I spent the entire weekend crying until I hyperventilated, and hyperventilating until I vomited. I also woke up Sunday morning — which also happened to be my birthday — covered in hives. I am sharing all of this with you for a reason — I want to remind all of you out there that it is not necessary to be in a relationship to suffer abuse.

The truth of the matter is this: I am a perfectionist, I am obsessive-compulsive, I am overly critical, and I think I am one of the world's best multi-taskers. This is simply a recipe for disaster, and a "rationale" to take on self-hating and self-destructive behavior. How many of us out there have, on one or more occasions, said any of the following to ourselves:

1. I can't believe you just did that! That was really stupid. What were you thinking?
2. You're an idiot.
3. You don't think you really need to eat that, do you?
4. You should have that done by now.
5. You're incompetent. No wonder you're single/your "friends" don't call.

Would we let our partners say these things to us? Why do we keep saying them to ourselves?

firstwivesworld - The Worst Kind Of Abuse - Comments

The Worst Kind Of Abuse