Episode 10: The Before We Die List

Tue, 05 Feb 2008 10:39:44 -0500

I got some troubling news today.

It all started with Raoul and the house-cleaning debacle, which, happily, wasn't such a debacle after all. In fact, not only did the "cleansing" put me on a higher spiritual plane (and I say this with little irony) it actually ended with Raoul fixing the dishwasher (for the fifth time) and asking me out on a date. At least, I think that's what happened (he might deny the asking me out part). For the record, Raoul isn't French, or Spanish, or Mexican or any of the things you might expect. He's a lick your lips Catholic Boy from the Bronx via Little Italy in NYC and how he got the name "Raoul" is beyond me.

Anyway, once Petunia the pig and the parrot Raoul were taken care of (see last week...), I washed the Pepsi out of my hair and managed to get myself dressed. I put on my Juicy sweats, the ones that make my butt look decent, (not Jeffrey's ratty basketball shorts that I used to wear) and much to my surprise, Raoul (the handyman) made me dinner. He said it was no big deal but oh, my lord, the man can cook. He whipped up something called pasta all'amatriciana, which actually uses pig jowl in the recipe. (I'm not so in to cheek, so he substituted bacon, and of course we didn't tell my pet). It was delicious.

After dinner, he was cleaning up. I know what you're thinking — "To hell with Hot Dad, Hotter Handyman's in the house", but it is more complicated than that. I NEED Raoul. I am doing a re-model (this is not just metaphor, I am practically excavating here) and sadly, that is more important than double chocolate mousse (did I mention that part?) or sex (it's a MAJOR remodel) or even spaghetti with bacon that is perfectly crisp.

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Episode 10: The Before We Die List