firstwivesworld - Should You Take A Sex Buddy? - Comments

OMG, this is exactly what I

Guest — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 04:42:38 -0400

OMG, this is exactly what I experienced the hard way when I was younger...

Similar Situation

Guest — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 14:56:20 -0400

I'm in a similar situation, although the man I have that relationship with started out as someone I was dating, and now has moved to "friends with benefits". I like this man a lot but he has said he doesn't see a future with me, and I am trying my hardest to disentangle but he keeps coming back. You (and I) just need to bite the bullet and ask him to stop contacting you (me) and then be strong and move on.

Just be honest with him

Guest — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:21:56 -0500

If it's not really what you want anymore, then just be upfront with him and tell him how you feel. He should respect that ... and you'll respect yourself more in the end for standing up for own feelings.

How to avoid the paradox?

Guest — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 07:52:23 -0500

You article is very interesting, but I'm wondering how to end once it becomes too intense, as you recommend. I began a "sex buddy" relationship with a good friend who is an inveterate batchelor and also is looking for an entirely different future relationship that I am (creating the proverbial "white elephant" so that when we were ready to end the affair, all we had to do was acknowledge the white elephant). But then I attached, so I called out the white elephant (we want different things). It didn't work. He still calls, giving me just enough attention to keep me on the hook, and I still answer because I really find this guy attractive and he knows this. It's a mess and I don't know how to unentangle. Perhaps go out and find another "sex buddy"?

How to avoid the paradox?

Guest — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 07:51:28 -0500

Should You Take A Sex Buddy?

Dr. Victoria Zdrok — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0500

Sex buddies may be an option for divorced women who don't feel like getting emotionally attached.

You've been hurt once and now you want to take it slow. You don't want to get emotionally involved but you have sexual needs, so you decide to find "a friend with benefits."

Most men will eagerly accept a no-strings attached sex buddy. After all, men are biologically programmed to separate sex from love. The male body produces up to 100 times more of the sex hormone testosterone, making the male sex drive spontaneous, selfish, urgent and in the words of psychoanalyst Dr. Michael Bader, "ruthless" and driven to achieve sexual satisfaction at all costs.

Women, on the other hand, have difficulty compartmentalizing sex and love. It's not that women don't engage or can't enjoy casual sex — they certainly do — under certain circumstances. But women are much more likely to become emotionally invested during casual liaisons, imbuing them with romantic notions and visions of a shared future.

So how do you protect yourself from getting hurt?

First, stay away from men who you feel an instant attraction to- chances are these types of men subconsciously appeal to your "love map", or your prototypical romantic ideal developed in your formative years. These sorts of men will automatically trigger your desire for attachments and will not make good "sex buddies".