Adult Children Of Divorce Face Extra Burdens

Rachel Small — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0500

I'd never thought much about the problems of the elderly who may depend upon the services of stepchildren when their spouse passes away. As we face increased numbers of divorce among older people, we need to realize the unintended consequences divorce visits upon adult children.

Coupled with remarriage of a divorced parent and subsequent death, adult children are often left to cope with the relationship and care of stepparents. With fractured and blended families, grown children, and families that are geographically dispersed, many face challenges in caring for stepparents and ex-stepparents.

I can appreciate the anomaly of feeling obligated for providing assistance to the spouse of your parent who has passed away. It feels odd to maintain the relationship with your parent's new husband or wife. In a study of grown children of divorce, Elizabeth Marquardt and Norval Glenn reported that these children are less likely to have a close relationship after their parent remarried. There was concern for how to care for their estranged divorced parents who were ill and living alone.

It's been noted that nearly 40 percent of adults have experienced their parents' divorce. Many others were born to parents who never married each other. The consequences of divorce and remarriage are felt by older children in different ways. Sometimes the stepparent relationship is good but in other cases there is resentment and a fear that their inheritance is at peril. We're in unchartered waters in the study of care for stepparents by adult children.

The problem of divorce, remarriage and the care for elderly parents and stepparents is greater if the children do not regard the stepparent as part of the family. It's the quality of the relationship which determines how or if care is extended to the stepparent who survives the biological parent.

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Adult Children Of Divorce Face Extra Burdens