Episode 9: Cleaning Up The Mess

Tue, 29 Jan 2008 09:00:44 -0500

There's really only one thing left after you dance on a stripper pole, screw your ex-husband, almost forget your kids at school and then start lusting after the dad of one of your son's classmates. Clean up the mess.

The day after all that happened, I realized what I had to do. Lucky for me, it was "take your kids to work week" and Jeffrey decided (in a burst of post-coital guilt) to act like a father and show Mr. Handsome he really has a job. (The kids don't know what Jeffrey does, and when he has tried to explain what "producer" means they look at him like he's an alien from Mars. Which, truthfully, would be the coolest career ever.) Eventually, at a loss for something better, Mr. Handsome settled on this version of a job description for his father: "Does what his boss tells him to do and bosses other people around." The bossing around part, perversely accurate, especially when applied to our now definitely defunct sex life.

As he trotted off with his dad, I thought about handing Mr. Handsome my picket sign - in a show of solidarity and as a symbol of what his father has lost by losing me (added income, creativity, really hot bod.) I quickly thought better of it. I may be many things, one of which is a believer in standing up to corporate greed (and I find that Jeffrey the insatiable adulterer just about sums that category up), but I am not a user of my children. (Except when it comes to getting dates with Sexy Dads. Sexy Dad Dates are like, exempt from that sort of moral high ground.)

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Episode 9: Cleaning Up The Mess