firstwivesworld - Divorced Dads Receive Unfair Treatment - Comments

A couple of insights

Guest — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:06:03 -0500

A couple of insights I'd like to add: I live in NY state and as with many states, although the term joint custody is used, there isn't much meaning to it. It basically only means that the non-custodial parent can see health and school records and is intended to have liberal vistiation, which means 2 weekends a month and one dinner dutring the week. IN NY state, shared parenting is not a real option. Second I can tell you that lawyers do in fact discourage you from going for custody if you're a dad. My wife even put our 2 year old in the driveway behind a running car to keep me from leaving an escalating situation. Even after that and many other abusive acts, 5 different lawyers told me I didn't have a chance. It's easy to blame it on a patrarchal society, but there are many women's groups that actively fight any family court reform, including the national Organization for Women.

They don't think they stand a chance in gaining custody...

Cathy Meyer — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 14:36:40 -0500

so they don't fight for custody. I'm not sure that custody going to mothers has been perpetuated by the courts are by men's fear of fighting the status quo. I've recently had two male clients win full custody because they were unwilling to buy into the idea that the courts automatically give custody to mothers. Both of these men had attorneys who told them to not waste their time, energy and money on trying to get custody. In my opinion societal beliefs, men's fears and attorneys who try to discourage men from seeking custody is why more men don't get custody. When those things change, mothers will win custody the majority of the time.

father's rights

Katherine McKee — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:10:02 -0500

I totally agree with you about the patrarchal/gender-based roles. However, increasingly, I'm seeing joint custody (50/50) being awarded to the mother and the father. They're sharing custody. Is it really true that in the majority of divorce cases, women are still winning sole custody of the kids? Anyone out there know?

Divorced Dads Receive Unfair Treatment

Jennifer Bailey — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 14:00:00 -0500

I read a very interesting piece on the plight of divorce dads. Basically the writer says that men are unfairly treated by the courts when it comes to divorce. She believes that the unfair treatment stems from the fact that women are almost always awarded custody in divorce cases, something that can been seen as an injustice in and of itself.

This is in spite of the fact that studies "show children want and need both parents, and no studies show sole parenting by a mother serves children's best interests." She feels that this is especially unfair, since women are twice as likely to initiate a divorce then their male counterparts which means that men end up losing their children in a divorce they did not initiate and in most cases did not want.

I have to admit when I started reading this article I was sure I was going to be outraged against the author, but I find myself having to agree with her. There is one clarification I would make about who initiates divorce. While women may be the ones actually filing for divorce in many cases it is the husband giving her the reason to file. For example, it is pretty well accepted that if you cheat on your spouse and are caught, divorce will follow. A husband who cheats on his wife and is found out may not want to divorce her, but he should have seen it coming. However, other than that one minor point I do agree with the rest of her article.