firstwivesworld - Who Carries The Heavy Load? - Comments

HEAVY LOAD????

Guest — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 10:52:28 -0500

IS THAT WHAT MARRIAGE HAS COME TOO? CONTOMPLATING DIVORCE OVER CARRYING A LAUNDRY BASKET? COME ON LADIES, I KNOW MEN CAN BE CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN'S NEEDS, BUT DIVORCE OVER LAUNDRY.. THIS CAN'T BE THE ONLY PROBLEM IN THE MARRIAGE FOR MEGAN, FOR IF IT IS- YOU ARE SILLY... MAYBE HE FEELS YOU NEVER HELP CARRY "HIS LOAD: LIKE THE MORTGAGE, PHONE BILL, CAR PMTS.. ETC... OR MAYBE YOU BOTH WORK AND HE SHOULD DO HIS SHARE IN THE HOUSE... IF YOU ARE HOME ALL DAY LONG WHY NOT CARRY 5LBS DOWNSTAIRS AT A TIME?- YOU HAVE ALL DAY. IF HE'S LIKE THE REST OF US WORKING DADS WITH STAY A HOME SPOUSES- HE PROBABLY LEAVES THE HOUSE BEFORE SUN RISE (WHILE YOUR STILL LYING IN A WARM BED) AND COMES HOME AFTER SUNSET... GIVE ME ABREAK, SOMETHING ELSE HAS TO BE WRONG IN YOUR MARRIAGE - LIKE FEELING STUCK - LIKE MOST MIDDLE AGED WIVES FEEL AT THIS AGE.. WHY DO WIVES GIVE US SUCH A HARD TIME WHEN WE ASK THEM TO RUN AN ERRAND WE CANT (BECAUSE WE ARE STUCK AT WORK) YET THEY WILL DO CARTWHEELS FOR OTHER STAY AT HOME MOTHERS IF THEY ASK FOR A FAVOR- (THEY DO SO IN SUCH A FRIENDLY SWEET VOICE- I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE IN MY HOME WHEN MY WIFE'S FRINEDS CALL)... NO THE REACTION I GET WHEN I ASK FOR A FAVOR... AND I CLEAN THE KITCHEN AND LIVING ROOM EACH NIGHT AFTER DINNER, HELP THE KIDS WITH HOMEWORK - EVERY NIGHT- AND OH YEAH, WE HAVE A CLEANING LADY THAT COMES TO OUR HOME EACH FRIDAY TO SCRUB THE HOUSE WHILE MY WIFE PLAYS TENNIS AND I WORK 11 HOUR DAYS FOR THAT TO HAPPEN. GIVE ME A BREAK, CARRY THE LAUNDRY DOWN THE STAIRS IN SMALL BUNCHES.. CONTEMPLATE DIVORCE FOR A REAL REASON... (give more and you will get more..)

Doing Too Much

Megan Thomas — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:28:06 -0500

I've often wondered about that...I feel like I AM doing too much, but he doesn't seem to agree. He says that I agreed to stay home with the kids, so his chore is to go to work. Period.

Wired Differently

Megan Thomas — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:26:11 -0500

I'm going to have to disagree with you on him being happy to do it if I ask. He's made it clear he's not so happy to do it, and meanwhile my back pays the price.

Priceless

Megan Thomas — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:25:19 -0500

Elaina, I'm glad I'm not the only one who got a chuckle out of that.

You are doing too much!

Guest — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 16:21:31 -0500

The fact that this is his only household chore is where the problem lies. He is a lousy husband if he does not do a lot more than that. The only way a man should be excused from chores is if he is an invalid. Even the disabled care for themselves and those they love. Sounds like an issue of love; he loves himself more than he loves you. If he took the laundry down the stairs and did it for you, that would show love. Does he not have a brain? I thought that about my husband but realized it was just a lack of love for me. Good luck in working through this. Respect yourself and demand it from others. If they don't give it, leave and do what is best for you. Hugs.

joining a group on the westside of Manhattan-

Joy — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 10:08:15 -0500

I would like to join a group of women who are divorced. It is all very new to me, and I would get a lot out of learning from others as well as sharing my experiences.

we are wired so differently!

Guest — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 21:18:32 -0500

we are wired so differently! He's probably happy to do it- it's just frustrating you have to ask- give a little, get alot.

He doesn't want you to feel

Elaina Goodman — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 16:04:17 -0500

He doesn't want you to feel pressured into doing. Totally priceless.

Who Carries The Heavy Load?

Megan Thomas — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 09:00:00 -0500

I have a bad back. It's just something that developed after I went through labor with my son, but I guess if that's the worst thing to come from delivering a 10-pound baby then I'm still pretty lucky. My back problems come and go, but for the most part I'm okay as long as I don't try to lift too many heavy things too often.

Of course, my husband is familiar with my back problems. He's seen me stumble around in a muscle-relaxer-induced haze when my back is really bad, and he's footed the bill for the deep tissue massages I get regularly to try to stave off future back flare ups. In other words, he is well aware of the problems with my back.

Now let me tell you the correlation between my bad back and my contemplating divorce. Our laundry room is in the basement of our home, and so there are a couple of flights of stairs to navigate when it comes time to take the dirty clothes downstairs. We go through a lot of laundry in our house, so it's a constant battle to try to keep the dirty laundry from piling up in the bedroom hampers. I've asked my husband many times to please take the laundry down at regular intervals so I don't have to carry it down and risk aggravating my back. It seems like a reasonable request to me, but even though I have tried my best to assign him this chore -- which would be the only household chore he's responsible for -- he still ignores the piles of laundry unless I pull it all out into the hallway and ask him to take it downstairs.

I know all about the theory that you have to ask a man to specifically do something each and every time you want it done, but I truly don't understand why this particular task cannot simply be his responsibility without me constantly hounding him. I'm not asking him to do it because I don't want to do it myself. I'm asking him to do it because I'm supposed to avoid lifting heavy stuff.