firstwivesworld - My Dreams Are Inconvenient For Him - Comments

Independence

Gwyn — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 17:45:03 -0500

I agree, maybe he's afraid if you're too successful, you won't need him anymore? A friend of mine's husband belittled her all through nursing school. Shortly after graduating, she found she was secure enough to leave. Now remarried and happy.

He's Frightened

Megan Thomas — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:21:12 -0500

That's a great point Cathy, and one that I've considered before. You're right that I like to talk about the issues, but I hope I only talk about them enough to get things resolved and don't dwell on them too much.

Maybe he is afraid of your accomplishments.

Cathy Meyer — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 11:22:02 -0500

The more you accomplish the less you will need him...that may be what is going through his mind. Thoughts like that turn him into Mr. Passive Aggressive and he has to belittle your accomplishments by ignoring them. After reading several of your posts you sound like someone who likes to talk about issues, find solutions to problems and he likes to brush them under the rug and act like everything is great. It isn't too much to ask that he be excited for you. It may be more than he can give you though due to the fear he has of losing you.

My Dreams Are Inconvenient For Him

Megan Thomas — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 09:00:00 -0500

I started writing about a year and a half ago. I've always enjoyed writing and during the period of time when my husband was so efficiently and intentionally ignoring me, I decided to go ahead and try to score a paid writing gig, which luckily for me happened pretty quickly.

My writing career grew exponentially after that, much to my husband's dismay. Although he claims to be proud of the writing jobs I get, he has more than once complained about how inconvenient it all is for him.

I still maintain the house and I am still 100 percent responsible for the kids throughout the day, so it isn't as if I ignore my responsibilities in order to get some writing done. I write at night sometimes, but if I try to do that too often my husband gets quite annoyed. Essentially, I try to write when my son naps or sometimes when the kids watch a DVD.

It's as if I'm sneaking in some putrid habit and hiding it from my husband. Ever since I told him I wanted to leave he agreed to give me a couple hours on the weekend to go do something on my own, and more often than not I use that time to write since I don't get much time otherwise.

Recently I received a few copies in the mail of a book I contributed to. This put me into the realm of a published author, and I was thrilled beyond belief. My husband, on the other hand, did not even bother to open one of the books and read my chapter, and I was completely crushed. He did read it eventually (in the bathroom, as a matter of fact), and he told me it was "good." That was the sum of his reaction.

Is it too much to ask to have a husband who is excited about my accomplishments?