Episode 3: Bouncy House

FWW — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 14:20:54 -0500

Before we go any further... you've got to meet the kids. I mean, they're a big part of all of this, and not just in the mushy, I love them more than life itself way (which I mostly do...we'll get to that later) but because they are just another example of the radical stuff happening in my so-called menopausal life right now.

Fun Fact Number One: Being menopausal is sometimes just like being pregnant— big sore breasts, nausea, no more period, hungry ALL THE GODDAMN TIME. How unfair is that?! All the symptoms, but no cute little bundle of joy at the end of it where you lose fifteen pounds in like one night, and worst of all NO PRESENTS. There should be presents for menopause! There should be parties; celebratory cocktails with sexy names...like, pass that Menopause Martini, please!! EXTRA DRY. No, seriously. I'm going to start this trend right now. Menopause Martinis for one and all!!

But I digress. I was pregnant A LONG TIME AGO (okay, not as long ago as some of you, yes, I am one of those "later in life" moms) and I had the babies and now all those annoying symptoms are just a reminder that I probably can't get pregnant (you know, with my own eggs, no womb transplant, none of that fun stuff) any more which, THANKS TO GOD, if you ask me.

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Episode 3: Bouncy House