firstwivesworld - Looking Like Myself Again - Comments

soon.

Faith Eggers — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 16:49:38 -0500

you'll see it soon --- Happy Holidays back at you!

Good for you!

Vicky Emerson — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 18:32:03 -0500

Can't wait to see the new do! Happy Holidays! Vicky

Sorry

Faith Eggers — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 08:12:39 -0500

Wow. I'm very sorry to hear about all you've been through. However, I'm so glad to hear that you have found you again. Its so easy to get lost--- in a man, in a marriage, in work etc. As far as the questions go, you're right...I think.... they probably will never be answered -- something that I too am having a difficult time dealing with --- but surely, they do fbecome less important. Take care, Faith

His reasons

Sangeloni — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 05:18:25 -0500

Your article struck a chord with me. This wonderfully caring, loving man that I had spent several years with always supported me... if I put on a few pounds, it was not a problem. If dying my hair dark was becoming a full time job then let it go gray. He encouraged me to go natural. He wanted me to stop wearing make up. Now, as I look back, I can see that our relationship was dropping off during these stages. Then I ruptured a disc in my neck and was nearly bed ridden for some months and yes, put on some weight. Only a couple of weeks after a cervical repair surgery, he tells me he is divorcing me. A few of the reasons given: my weight gain and my looks. HUH? The look that you encouraged me to go with? To go natural and stop stressing/struggling with it? I was recovering, struggling with physical rehabilitation and pain - what did he expect that to look like? I, also, am back to being me. Creating a me that makes me feel good about myself. There are days that I cannot understand why I let myself follow all of his leads. Why did I cave to his ideal of "natural"? There are so many questions that will forever bounce through my mind. They will never be answered. I do know, that they will fade away some day.

Looking Like Myself Again

Faith Eggers — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:00:00 -0500

Realizing over the past year that my marriage was a sham — a giant smokescreen — was hard enough to come to terms with. Realizing that my husband never loved me, only loved the way I looked — and in turn the way I made him appear to other people — was absolutely gut wrenching.

When Levi and I were married, I was a 20-something, skinny, big blue eyed, blond girl. He was an almost 40, tall, skinny, bald guy. I never cared what he looked like — well, OK, to be honest, I did in the beginning — but I fell in love with him, and none of that crap mattered.

He, on the other hand, insisted that I stay skinny — he bought me memberships to the gym, even though he wouldn't go himself — insisted that I continue to dye my hair blond, insisted that I wear my contacts all the time, etc. He loved showing me off to all of his friends.

Anyway, looking in the mirror the other day, I saw myself — the same — exactly the way Levi wanted me all of those years.

Upon that realization, it took me all of three minutes to throw some clothes on, hop in my car, go to the drug store and grab some hair dye.

I've been dying my hair blond for at least 10 years. I don't even know what my natural hair color is anymore! I picked the closest thing I could find — a medium brown — went home, dyed my hair, and 45 minutes later, my hair was entirely grey.

Four bottles later, and I was back to natural, or as close to natural as you can get from a bottle.

I feel great. I'm so happy that I can look however I want now. I can look like me.