Short fuse

Guest — Wed, 09 May 2007 00:23:14 -0400

When it comes to conflict I've learned that some people have long fuses; they don't let minor little things bother them. And others have short fuses; even the slightest little bump on the subway by another passenger will ruin their whole day. I've learned that when you put yourself into others shoes, have a little patience and leave home thinking, "good things are going to happen to me today", there are fewer and fewer conflicts that come your way.

Managing Conflict with ... AN-TI-CI-pation!

judithsteinhart — Fri, 06 Apr 2007 08:31:37 -0400

Recently, a group of soon-to-be-married couples participated in a program on marriage. The seminar prepares couples for the day-to-day challenges of making a satisfying, safe, and loving life together once past the wedding.

During my session, "Managing Conflict", the group silently wondered what I could possibly teach them about managing conflict that they didn't know or haven't used to varying degrees of success already.

Conflict is everywhere — between cab drivers and other cars, parents and teachers, noisy and quiet neighbors, bosses and workers, kids and parents, couples and in-laws.

In a marriage, two people with different families of origin, backgrounds, values, experiences, politics, fall in love and agree to share their entire lives and living space. The result? Conflict.

The challenge is not to avoid conflict; rather it's to manage it successfully.

Where are the role models for managing conflict? Not on tabloid covers bombarding us as we wait in line to pay for groceries. Not in headlines that blast us with stories of war, murder, drug and alcohol abuse, abandonment, other partners, and divorce.

Resolving conflict requires skills, which can be learned. Fortunately, people have been thinking about this issue for along time. The local library or independent bookstore has a section on relationships. Some books might seem to be just right for your situation. From a simple check of the cover, inside flaps, Table of Contents, and Index, you'll quickly know if you want to read more.

If you sense you can learn from it, take it home. If not, it can be reshelved, then refound by someone else who might find it useful. My faves include "The Intimate Enemy" by George Bach, and "The Dance of Anger" (or anything at all) by Harriet Lerner.

Let us know which books talk to you...so we can pass the word.

firstwivesworld - Managing Conflict with ... AN-TI-CI-pation! - Comments

Short fuse

Managing Conflict with ... AN-TI-CI-pation!