http://www.firstwivesworld.com Comments en http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/sarah-farthing/pressing-the-reset-button#comment-5463 Go for it! but don't feel pressure. Just make the decision, keep your head down and move forward. Just keep to the commitment to yourself. You've inspired me to do the same. I'm on diet with exercise as of this moment :) xo, jgirltwo Wed, 14 May 2008 22:27:22 -0400 Guest comment 5463 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/sarah-farthing/yes-im-talking-you-mom#comment-5462 what a wonderful video blog. You have such emotion. I watched the blog of your mother and she's so sweet, accepting and loving. You're both very lucky .... an avid watcher ... jamiex Wed, 14 May 2008 22:11:59 -0400 Guest comment 5462 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/discussions/ask-the-community/a-readers-cry-help#comment-5461 Karen, We must have been married to the same guy! Yes our stories are very long but we have great stories! What I want to tell you is that YOU have not let anyone down!!!! You need to believe in YOU Karen and you are someone very important to so many people. Do not let this divorce / seperation hinder who you are and I do not believe for one moment that you are not attractive. God does not make unattractive people!!! We are all beautiful in our own special way and this is where YOU have to take a step forward and look at yourself in the mirror and see the beauty that you possess. Now, I am not talking about the outer beauty I am talking about the inner beauty that supercedes all beauties! If you have the light inside of you believe me everyone around you will see that light and will attract those who want what you have, so Karen get out of your funk and live. Finish your school I wish I had done half of what you have done but my lifes journey is a little different but I do not regret because I know that I would not be where I am today. And I feel grateful for my little accomplishments and yet my dreams are so big that I feel ready to explore my wonderful possibilities. I will not let my seperation (which I have yet to file) hinder the God given abilities that I know I possess and I feel excited with this new life for me. Yes, Karen, I cried like a baby for the first couple of weeks, I felt an embarrassement and failure in my marriage, but the reality is I have nothing to be embarrassed about and I did not fail in my marriage. My husband chose another woman and she is "different" well of course she is different she is not "me" and the greatest gifts that I do have are my sons who are by my side and learning to be the men that God wants them to be not what the world wants them to be, and this I say to you because this is what my sons are telling me and I feel this overwhelming happiness that even though I am in my mourning stage, I have the love of my sons and their support as well as the love and support of my family and my husbands family who are really there for me and the great friends that I have to empower me in whatever I decide. So I know that you too must have great friends who have not left you and are there for you and in regards to your in laws they will always be a part of your family, especially if you had a good relationship. I just spent Mother's Day with my husbands family. My husband by the way is not talking to anyone. By anyone this means, his own Mother, brother, sister and even his own sons's it's as if he has stepped off the face of the planet. The only way I communicate with him is via e-mail but he does not respond. So what I am doing now is protecting myself and doing what I have to do. I do not have much money and I may not be able to afford a divorce but I do need to get a legal separation so if you have suggestions please feel free to let me know. I cannot remodify my mortgage until I am Legally seperated. So any help from you will be great. Something that will not cost an arm and a leg will be helpful. Take care Karen and YOU CAN DO IT!!! LIZ Wed, 14 May 2008 19:56:03 -0400 Elizabeth Cortez comment 5461 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/discussions/ask-the-community/a-readers-cry-help#comment-5460 Hi beautirest46, When I read your story and many other stories about your divorce/seperation, etc. it amazes me that I am not the only one going through what I am going through. I have been married for 27 years and on March 21 of this year he left. I have been his companion but in the past years I noticed his withdrawing from me because I had this wonderful job working at a Church and learning and loving all that I did. I felt that in my marriage, instead of having someone appreciate and support me in my endeavors, I felt that he had to compete with me. I have supported my husband in everything. He has a great job and he D.J.'s on the weekends which for me has always been a big factor in leading us astray. His life is surrounded by how much money one could have and of course my life is surrounded by the love of God and how everything that we have is from God. My husband use to be a man of God but the world has taken him for a ride. There are major issues or demons that he has held so much inside of him that he is so afraid to go to counseling for the reason of having to dig up his past. His childhood was not a very good one. He had been abused physically as well as emotionally and this has affected our relationship. I know the hurt you must have felt when your husband left. I would like to share something with you and hopefully you will see how God has his own plans for us and is working behind the scenes in our lives as I am writing to you today. Well here goes..... As I mentioned early on I had the great opportunity to work at a Church and I loved my ministry very much. The more I learned, the more I put into practice in my life. Well, the mistake I made with myself was putting a lot of time in working and helping families be a family, especially with our busy society as it is, and I myself did not spend a lot of time at home. Part of the reason was my husband was always D.Jing a wedding or other occasion and even though I use to go with him, this would get boring to me just sitting as he played music. Our sons are young men now, one is out of the house the other two are at home with me, one is 22 and in college and the youngest is 18 and will be graduating from high school in a couple of weeks. They have been my complete strength in my life and now in this new situation. Well back to my story, anyway last year in July I really began to look at my life and where it was leading me. I worked in the parish for 9 years and was becoming very tired because I did not get the help that I had been requesting for some time. I was offered this wonderful opportunity to get a new position and work in our Diocese and I was excited but at the same time I was afraid! I got on my knees one evening and prayed to our God and simply just asked Him to help me with my decision. In my heart and soul I knew that I was not living a Sacramental Marriage with my husband and it had been only myself working in making our marriage better. My husband drifted further and further from us and yet his soul was always so unhappy. When in August of last year I applied for this new positiion and I left it entirely in God's hands to lead me where He wanted me to be. When I gave myself completely to God so many amazing things began to happen! First as I was filling out the application for the new position I at first held back due to the requirements or college education that was required for the position so at first I just put the application away because I felt of course that I was not qualified. Within that week a friend of mine stopped at my home and hand delivered another application to me and said fill it out! I opened the envelope and there was a post it note reading " Liz fill out the application you have nothing to lose" I felt God's presence just leading me in filling out the application. Within 3 weeks and an interview I got the job! Less stress, more money and more time to be at home with my family! I thought I was heading in the right direction, but also the fear of what was to come scared me. The fear being was that in talking to God and knowing that I really was not living a so called married life I have felt so alone for so many years and yet because I thought I knew what marriage stood for I stayed for so long in this marriage. I know now that working in the Church for 9 years He was preparing me for this seperation that was to be in my life and I knew that because in my prayers I asked for God's help in leading me where He wanted me to be. I would not be where I am today if it were not for God and for all the wonderful people that He has placed in my life. I have always been a joyful person and the person that I was married to always tried to take that joy away from me. The strength that I have is due to the faith that I have in God. Yes I am hurt I am shocked but I have felt His graces in me because I do not feel anger what so ever in my life today. I pray for my husband every night that he finds the peace that he simply chooses to not have right now but I know that he is a very unhappy soul right now so I continue to pray for him. Most importantly, in getting my new job I knew then that there was to be a seperation/divorce but I also did not want to face the truth I was in denial for the first couple of weeks. It has been a month now and I email my husband every day if possible some beautiful prayer meditations to help him on his journey, but I have taken the inituative to move on and to save my home from foreclosure and now I am seeking advice on how to go about getting a legal separation and I am finding an empowerment inside of me that my husband always tried to take from me. I believe that all individuals can have this empowerment of leading ones own life but only with the understanding that our God wants us to be the best versions of ourselves. A book that I am reading right now is "The Rythm of Life" by Matthew Kelley. This book is awesome pick it up if you can and read it because, like "The Purpose Driven Life" this book by Matthew will help you be the BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF and true Love will definitely come again for you, for me, and for many others. God Bless you in your new journey of life! Wed, 14 May 2008 19:37:29 -0400 Elizabeth Cortez comment 5460 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/wanda-woodard/whats-in-a-day#comment-5459 Those cards made with little hands are the best. My boys gave me a T-shirt. On the front are tubes of acrylic paint, pooping out globs of paint. It didn't fulfill me but I acted as if it did. It was good to be able to spend part of my Mother's Day with you. Tenderloin and the tender heart of another single mother. Good eats and good company! Wed, 14 May 2008 18:26:20 -0400 Cathy Meyer comment 5459 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5458 Thank you for your insight, Lauren. Wed, 14 May 2008 18:01:02 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5458 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/wanda-woodard/whats-in-a-day#comment-5457 Adrian pulling your hair for your early morning starter just cracked me up. How sweet and funny. Yea for your aunt and uncle doing that for him. How nice of them. Right back atcha, sweets! Wed, 14 May 2008 17:58:08 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5457 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/wanda-woodard/whats-in-a-day#comment-5456 Awww, that is so sweet, and must have made you feel so good!! I can't wait until Adrian is old enough to do stuff like that. My mothers day started out much like yours...with my son waking me up by yanking my hair at 6:30 then on to a bunch of chores. But, my aunt and uncle got a Mothers day card for him to give me!! Happy (belated) Mothers Day Wanda!! Wed, 14 May 2008 14:14:26 -0400 Faith Eggers comment 5456 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/faith-eggers/marriage-not-the-enemy#comment-5455 Marriage is not the enemy, nor are men. Right now we are all going through some form of a life transition. We're all fighting battles with our spouses, our ex's, our emotions, our ex's family members or new wives, whatever. So, naturally we're jaded and somewhat sardonic. But this is where we are. I'm with you. I think I need to be less jaded, more open. Still. Don't trust most men. Can't help it. May never trust again. But, right you are. Marriage is not the enemy. Excellent point. Wed, 14 May 2008 10:49:55 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5455 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/vibrant-voices/vicky-emerson/thanks-and-good-bye-fww-readers#comment-5454 Get a life. Wed, 14 May 2008 09:59:39 -0400 Guest comment 5454 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5453 For the men in the study, it sounds like they were the ones whose spouses left the marriage. What about those who did the leaving? And what about those who did the leaving but never left? My own story is that after 8 years and two children, when I asked for a teenager to hire to drive the kids to soccer practice, he asked for a divorce. (No, I swear I'm not exaggerating) He then did not move out. He said he didn't have the money. I had the job. So I had to move -- away from the house that I built and paid for, away from the kids' schools, away from their home. Now he still lives in that house, and has moved his girlfriend in. SO... Seriously, don't listen to the crying of the few "wronged" dudes who would have their buddies believing that we are a race of hideous, hateful, whores. We pull it together, keep the kids afloat, manage our new lives, and do the best we can from day to day. All while wearing heels and dancing backward, right? Stay strong, girls. Wed, 14 May 2008 00:05:45 -0400 laurengray comment 5453 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/sarah-farthing/conversation-mom-part-1-4#comment-5452 This certainly breaks open the "mother-in-law" stereotype. I wonder if this will ring true years down the road or if this relationship will fade after papers are signed. Is your husband as committed as the two of you seem to be? Well, whatever happens, it certainly is nice to hear that a mother-in-law can be as dear as your mom. Tue, 13 May 2008 23:13:19 -0400 Guest comment 5452 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/elaina-goodman/half-in-half-out#comment-5451 ...til it's over, Elaina. Do not worry about the fact that you swing back and forth. As J said, the process IS the process. It took me about five years to finally leave/leave. I left him in '02, but was back with him in '03. I left him in '03, but was back later that same year. I left him in '05 and I have never been back, but, I have thought about it. The holidays and children make it difficult to do the cold turkey thing. But, I finally did do it. However, for my situation, it helps to have 500 miles in between us. Tue, 13 May 2008 17:39:34 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5451 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/alice-brooks/no-a-song-not-just-a-song#comment-5450 . . . that we can sometimes find the deepest things. Alice, it is great that you are taking this person's comment as a prompt to deepen the reflections you have with the creative world around you. I think people sometimes think that you need to be smacked upside the head to see the connections in life. But the true secret and suprise (that a lot of people ignore or don't want to know) is that there are new ways of processing and recreating our lives around us every second of the day. We just have to have our eyes, ears, and hearts open to them, which takes a new level of awareness, consciousness, and ownership of our lives that is not always easy. Thus, some people live very unconscious (and in the end much less passioniate, energetic, and joy-filled) lives. So, BRAVO to you for embracing the creative gifts of the world for what they are truly intended for. Tue, 13 May 2008 15:18:37 -0400 Guest comment 5450 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/sarah-farthing/conversation-mom-part-1-4#comment-5449 Such a great Mom you have. Now I can see where you get it from :) Tue, 13 May 2008 14:57:27 -0400 Guest comment 5449 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com