Let me tell you something. When you're divorcing an abusive maniac, you don't think about your financial investments. I know. I know. I should have. But I just wanted out and the best way to accomplish that at the moment was to give him everything. He's one greedy guy.

However, in the divorce agreement that his lawyer drew up there was absolutely nothing stipulating that he had to pay, well, anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip.

Naturally, the judge threw that out and warned the attorney to come back with a plan for child support or she'd do it herself. (Frankly, I think Stinky's lawyer was just making sure she had another reason to bill him another grand.)

When all was said and done, the agreement stipulated that Stinky pay for my car (roughly $380) and that he pay the car insurance of about $50 a month and give me a check or cash for another $300. The sum total for two children was $750 a month. Don't do this.

Enforcing this kind of discombobulated agreement is nearly impossible. And, once the car is paid for you have to coax your ex to turn the title over to you, not an easy task with Stinky, as it seemed the car was the one thing that he still held over me. With Stinky it was always about control.

And, if you happen to live in another state, as I do, and you're driving around with an expired Mississippi tag because you cannot get a Tennessee tag unless the car is in your name, and if you find yourself sitting at a red light with a motorcycle cop on your tail, chances are very good you will be pulled over.

Up until that day, you should have seen the ways I managed to avoid ever being in front of a squad car — takes some real talent if you don't want to break the law.

Push comes to shove with just about everything, and amazingly enough Stinky did in fact send that title to me, uh, eventually. So now I am almost official. If your financial situation or your ex is anything like mine, you can expect that the police may enter your life from time to time.

But hang tough, gals. After the first encounter, you'll almost feel like inviting them over for dinner.