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Fear of the Unknown

Posted to House Bloggers by Megan Thomas on Tue, 04/01/2008 - 3:21pm

"I just don't get it...why are you still in this relationship?" That's a quote from one of my readers, and it's a valid question. Honestly, I stared at that comment for about five minutes without moving, and then I read it aloud to myself. Then I asked myself, "Yeah, Megan, why are you still in this relationship?"

Oddly enough, even though I'm just crazy enough to ask myself a question out loud, I'm not quite crazy enough to have an answer.

There are many reasons why I'm still in this relationship. I'm scared to death of turning my kids' world upside down. I'm scared at having to make it on my own financially. I'm scared of walking away from a relationship when there might be a smidgen of hope for us. I'm scared that my husband will fall back into the suicidal feelings thing.

I'm scared of ending a marriage that I began in a church, standing before a pastor, my family, and God, with me promising to stay with my husband for better or for worse until the day I die. So yeah, basically I'm scared.

I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a big scaredy-cat. With life in general, I'm not really ever paralyzed with fear. I make a decision and leap right in. When it comes to this, though, I'm frightened out of my mind.

I don't like being so scared of something that it keeps me from making a final decision. This isn't my usual fare, and it makes me incredibly uncomfortable.

Ask me why I'm still in the relationship, and I'll give you a big, confident reply of "I have no idea." I'm just scared, that's all. I can't rush into something that terrifies me, and going from married to not married terrifies me.

I can't be the only person to have dealt with these feelings, can I?

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