Let me tell you what it's like to lay down for bed every night next to a man who you aren't sure you're supposed to still be with, although I'm sure there are plenty of you who already know what this experience is like.

I usually go to bed an hour or so after my husband because I work from home at night after the kids have gone to sleep. When I walk into the bedroom I walk quietly because I don't want to wake him. I slink into the bed as quietly as possible and don't move unless I have to. I try to settle into one position and I don't cough or fidget or roll over.

It's not that I'm such a nice wife that I don't want to wake him, although there's some of that there. The main reason I go through this ritual every night is because I don't want him waking up and thinking that we're going to indulge in some lovemaking. I don't want him rolling over and putting his arm around me. Some nights, his arm around me feels like I'm being smothered. I don't want him waking up and wanting to have some sort of deep conversation.

I'm exhausted, and I want to sleep.

It's impossible to not think about relationship issues when I'm lying in bed in silence, next to the man who has caused me so much grief. When he stirs and starts making the moves on me, I feel trapped. I want to cry. I want to push him away, pack my bags, and never come back.

As I experience these emotions I wonder if it's even possible for a relationship to bounce back when it has reached such a low point. How do you go from lying in bed, praying that your husband doesn't touch you, to one day looking forward to ending your evening with a nice snuggle?

Long story short: I don't know how to change how I feel.