Maybe I Should Grow Up and Fully Commit To This Relationship
Maybe I Should Grow Up and Fully Commit To This Relationship
(check out my blog every Wednesday and Saturday)
Re-reading my last post about not taking Rob to the end-of-yoga-teacher-training party, it worried me how desperately I wanted to avoid involving Rob in the new step I'm taking in my life. I wanted to avoid introducing him to my new friends. Is this telling? Does it mean that though I won't admit it to myself, what I really want is to have an altogether separate life from him?
Part of me wanted to bring him that night. After all, he's been incredibly helpful to me as I've been in the program — he gave me rides to the studio, made me dinners after a long days of training, and generally took care of things at home when I was swamped with homework. If I'm not sure my heart's in our relationship, am I taking advantage by accepting such support?
But there was that moment, in the midst of mingling at the party when I missed Rob. I met a fascinating filmmaker he would have had a great chat with. I thought of how much he would have loved to have been there, and maybe I even wished he was.
That's the thing about being married. There are moments when you are together but you long for independent experience. Then there are the moments when you are apart and you see something that you would have connected around, and you miss your mate. But life doesn't give you what you want when you want it. Maybe this isn't a case of "still haven't found what I'm looking for," and more a case of "still can't manage to grow up and settle in."
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