The Gosselin Divorce: We Understand How the Dream Cracked

The Gosselin Divorce: We Understand How the Dream Cracked

Jon is now minus Kate, but both must remember the 8

If anyone could feel the Gosselin's pain on TV last night, it's we, the women of First Wives World. Jon and Kate Gosselin of the TLC reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8 are getting a divorce after ten years of marriage.

No doubt about it, divorce is tough stuff. Divorce is a broken dream that sometimes cracks before it blows up. And time, fame, and money often change the marital thought process. Women used to stay in bad marriages because financially they couldn't get out. Now, strong, unfulfilled women with cash make bolder choices — like to have affairs to get through the limbo. Husbands who can't win — privately, or not so privately — bust out too.

These are adult reactions to a slow-stewing marital stalemate without hurting the kids.

Yes Kate, it's sometimes easier to keep the lie going and sneak a little romance to get through, but sooner or later someone needs to call it. It seems to me you likely didn't think Jon would. But he did.

Hey, kids are tough on marriage. Anyone who has them will admit it. Imagine then, having 8 small children — all adorable and all needy as kids are. Great parents who put their kids first should be commended. But great parents who forget each other in the process lose each other.

For the Gossleins, the split  was long and slow in coming. It usually is. The time leading up to divorce is a private hell in the heart. Some people live with it, some decide they can't at whatever the cost in search of peace or some new person who will love us again, the fairy-tale way we imagined it the first time.

Referring to divorce, Kate said, "It's going to give me a whole new empathy for people who do it." She added that she was worried about "the label" and "being a statistic."

Welcome to our world, Kate.

We have great empathy for you and yours because unlike you, we know what follows: Sleeping alone in the bed you once shared, exhaustion from doing double duty as both mother and father on the days when you are running that ship alone, working overtime on overcompensating to your children for the split, keeping that same phony smile for your kids on days you don't feel like it, working harder than ever to make them feel safe, feeling like you failed and being a little scared of being solely responsible for your kids — not to mention figuring out the ever-present financial issues.

We feel for John too, a good family man who seems to have become overwhelmed over time with taking a back seat to his eight children and a strong-willed wife. Like many divorced fathers, he will feel the heartbreak of missing the day-to-day family joys. In his own words, he "was too passive until now." Maybe he should have spoken up sooner. Could shoulda woulda. 

First Wives World was set up to fill a void for women going through divorce. Divorce is a lonely sport. It's a time you need to lean on others. If those 'others' havent been though it, they can only help so much. Women need to lean on others who understand the experience and who can offer sage advice and compassion. Newly divorced parents need solid information to make wise choices about issues they never needed to know about before.

FWW answered that need with answers to questions like "What happens the day that Daddy moves out?"

From what I saw, I think the adorable Gosselin kids will turn out just fine, because of all the love that is obvious from both parents. Constantly arguing in front of children, as the Gosselin's admit was ongoing, is very unhealthy for everyone. 

Anyone with children who has been through a divorce knows you are divorced forever together, regardless of what or who happens next. As long as the kids are OK, hopefully everyone will get through to some other happily ever after. 

Attitude Is Everything!

Debbie