That seems to be what it's going to be for awhile. It sucks, to go to bat with someone who knows you so well. Someone you've shared your deepest self with, someone who really knows how to push your buttons.

Levi knows me better than most people know me. He knows how I feel about arguments, knows that usually I will avoid them at all costs. I'm the kind of person who can't deal with yelling. I don't know why, but whenever someone starts to raise their voice to me, I just shut down. I can't comprehend what they're saying; it's like I go into "safe" mode. Yelling scares me, so I try to avoid it. Which is why, I think, he's doing so much of it lately.

He also knows how much I love my son. My son, I've said, "is my heart walking around outside of my body." He knows that his threats of taking him away from me, stealing him away from me, are crushing to me.

He also knows that I am inherently a good person (why not toot my own horn here?) and will generally forgive quite easily. I honestly think that it's this knowledge that makes him feel so free to be so selfish. The knowledge that one day, I will probably forgive him, and then he gets what he wants. Levi is the kind of guy that always has his cake and eats it too.

He left me a message earlier. Today's threat was this: "If you continue to take me to court, and I'm ordered to pay, that's all I'll ever do. I'll only pay. I'll never have anything to do with him, EVER."

He's said this before, and it used to really upset me. It doesn't anymore. I've come to the conclusion that his relationship, or lack thereof, with Adrian, is up to him. It's not on me to facilitate that. Do you think I'm right?