Select a stage of divorce »
I think its safe to assume that we've all done things that may or may not have contributed to the demise of our marriage — things that cause us guilt. I think it would be great if we could place all the blame on our ex-husbands and accept none of it ourselves — hell, I've been trying to do that for close to a year — but the truth is, we can't.
It may not be 50/50, but it almost always takes two.
I carry around guilt over the fact that I was dishonest with Levi — and man, does he know how to work that. Ladies, seriously it was a stupid, trite lie — the kind of lie that we've probably ALL told at least once. Yup, I lied to Levi about the number of men I'd had sex with. I told him four — the actual number is slightly higher than that.
Years later, when I was pregnant and had quite honestly forgotten about the lie — that's what sucks about lying, you forget — I inadvertently confessed. We both laughed it off at the time, but now it's coming back to bite me — the other problem with lying.
Levi says that if he knew about the number — and seriously, it's fewer than ten — we would have been a "no go." He says he would have never been with me, never married me, and never impregnated me. Therefore, he feels he has no responsibility because our relationship was built under "false pretenses".
I don't really believe that if I had revealed my actual number to him that he would have dumped me — but, I'm not him, I don't know that, and I'm the one who lied.
Yes, we've all done things that cause us guilt — but am I really supposed to believe what he's trying to sell me on now? What do you think?
What Others Have Shared ()
He is a piece of work ..
I think that Levi is a sorry excuse for a human being who is trying to find a way to blame you for the fact that he is a sorry excuse for a human being. Just tell the man that women are allowed to lie about some very specific things: our age; our weight; how many men we have slept with and how many martinis we consume each week. Every body knows those rules. Seriously .. Faith .. this man called you up crying saying he was sorry and saying he would step up and help pay for Levi .. and instead he sent you pennies and was upset that you wanted more. He has no moral fiber and he'll find anything to try to blame you for his misconduct. I'd just avoid contact with him unless it's absolutely necessary. You'll never ever reach resolution with him because he's not capable of being a decent human being. Stop talking to him and don't let him make you question yourself .. you deserve better and you don't have to answer to him. Trust me ... there are a lot of women out there who have slept with a lot of men .. my bet is that if he found one that he liked .. he wouldn't care at all. Not until he decided to dump her and then he'd call her a slut. This man is not worth your time or energy .. let it go. You are beautiful and worthy and important EXACTLY as you are .. you don't have to try and meet some lunatics version of who you should be. Yeesh .. he's a piece of work.
I AGREE!
This man knows how to push your buttons....Don't let him. He is using this as an excuse to get out of his responsibilities! What an #$#hole!
I agree with the "no contact unless it is of paramount importance"! You can do this! My ex acted pretty much the same way. I've been divorced two years and I'm so much better off now! I still struggle a little financially, but now I'm the one controlling the buttons! Hang in there baby you're on your way!
Agreed.
Teri,
I totally agree with everything you just said -- especially that he is a sorry excuse for a human being with no moral fiber.
Thank you for all of your support.
Faith