To put it bluntly, when it comes to your own emotional and personal challenges with your divorce, the truth is all your firm cares about is if you do the job you were hired to do. Although this may be hard to hear, your firm does not owe you anything, as most companies expect their employees to leave their personal issues at home.
Further, no matter how evolved your workplace may be, most working environments are not equipped to handle an employee's personal issues. And unfortunately, divorce is a personal issue, and HR departments are often unsympathetic and do not offer adequate support (certainly in the cases I have seen and experienced).
(I wrote the following blog two months after my Ex-husband left me for one of my best friends. While my life looks amazingly different nearly four years later, I hope many of you can relate, or perhaps find comfort in this article.)
It’s been almost two months since I’ve become single; although, technically I’m not single. Legally, I’m still married. Emotionally, physically and in every other way, I’m divorced. The day my ex left was the day my marriage ended.
I never had the opportunity to actually be single before. I met my ex in high school when I was 15. Aside from a 12 month break up, we had been together until I was 35.
Since becoming single, I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned so many life lessons, that I feel like I’ve lived two years, and not two months.
Time has crawled by with its daily pokes and prods, loneliness, fear, anger, resentment, and yes, even joys.
Week 4 - A little crying. A lot of anger. Onset of loneliness.
Rinse. Repeat. That's pretty how much it went down for me. It wasn't fun at all. And it lasted for 6 months.
Part of surviving the loneliness associated with divorce is plain old endurance — realizing that this is a stage which will help. Even in the midst of it all, you need to remember that there will come a day when this overwhelming grief, anger, loneliness, and all the rest will go away.
I’m lonely tonight and I miss him. Well, not him exactly. It’s more like I miss the thought of him. The good him, the man I married with my heart a-flutter. The man who always made me feel safe, until he didn’t and it all went south with us. But still… I am lonely. And tired.
There is so much to do around this 100 year-old house we bought together. We both thought that restoring it would save our floundering marriage, kind of the same impulse people have when they think that having a baby will bring them back to the loving place, but without the diapers and midnight feedings.
If you harbor the hope of saving your marriage, you're not alone. Marie Starrantino tried to keep hope alive, going to counseling and planning fun activities with her husband but in the end, separation was inevitable. In the process of her divorce, Marie navigated a jumble of emotions, and successfuly navigated her way through an amicable divorce.
In one month, I will turn 39. That’s simply one year before I hit my 40’s. I don’t feel 39. I’m not sure I know what 39 is supposed to feel like. Half the time, I feel like I’m a 12 year old disguised as an adult. I cannot begin to tell you how many times a day I just kind of look around and think, “How can anyone even think I’m remotely responsible enough to teach teenagers, and to have two kids of my own?” When did I become a grown up? Because when I look in the mirror… that’s what I see. A grown up.
But that’s not the worst part. The worst part when I look in the mirror? The laugh lines.
Oh yes. If I ever doubted my “adultness,” those doubts are quickly erased when I smile…and then don’t smile, but the laugh lines remain. Laugh Lines: Those deep creases that surround my eyes to let the world know my true age.
However. I’m not overly upset about growing older, getting gray hair, and most importantly…the laugh lines.
I've been reading the articles lately that say the beginning of the year is the most common time to file for divorce. That means that more than a few couples are sitting their kids down right about now, telling them that by next year, Mommy and Daddy won't be in the same house for Christmas.
I've had to break the news to my kids that my partner and I are splitting up more than once — it's not an easy conversation, but it's a conversation that not only needs to be had, but one that needs to be handled delicately and with a ton of TLC. So, here are a few things I've learned for all the Mother's out there:
