Just how do women get through infidelity in marriage? Does infidelity always lead to divorce?

These are questions the media and armchair pundits are pondering in the aftermath of the Spitzer sex scandal. Psychologists and academics say the obligation to remain sexually faithful to one's spouse continues to carry a lot of weight, at least in the U.S. In France and Italy, it's something else altogether. But in the U.S., among all the marital problems one can have, infidelity is the one most likely to lead to divorce.

Sociologists' research on infidelity shows that men are routinely motivated by sex, while women stray outside the bounds of marriage in search of emotional intimacy, the kind they're not receiving from their spouse. Yes, more men than women cheat, but the numbers are increasing for both genders.

In fact, a 1994 study by sociologist Edward Lauman found that 10 percent to 11 percent of spouses had cheated in the previous year; over a lifetime, the study revealed about 18 percent of women and 24 percent of men reported an extramarital affair. More recently, a 2006 Pew Research Center survey found that nearly 90 percent of participants said it's morally wrong for married individuals to have an affair, which may or may not involve sex. Nearly the same percentage said adultery is morally wrong.

Notably, experts say that wives are more likely to forgive a cheating spouse and remain in the marriage particularly if the infidelity was committed with a prostitute or a one-night stand, versus a mistress or someone with whom a longer-term emotional bond was formed. However men are much less forgiving of their cheating wives; most don't tolerate their wives' indiscretions and view infidelity as a statement about their manhood.

Many women don't leave a cheating spouse due to children, economics and other emotionally-charged issues. They are less willing to break up the family.

Stage one (roller-coaster): A time filled with strong emotions, ranging from anger and self-blame to periods of introspection and appreciation for the relationship.

Stage two (moratorium): A less emotional period in which the cheated-on spouse tries to make sense of the infidelity, obsesses about details of the affair, retreats physically and emotionally from the relationship, and reaches out to others for help.

Stage three (trust-building): For couples who decide they wanted to stay together and make their marriage work.

Elsewhere in the media, the Edmonton (Canada) Sun thinks it would be great if there was a genetic test to determine which men are predisposed to cheating. "Until then, women must resign themselves to a painful reality. No matter how beautiful, smart, classy and accomplished they are, some men will cheat on them anyway. Women can exercise themselves silly, starve themselves into anorexia and Botox years off their faces, but they can't recapture their 20s again."

This is so true.

We can't. So are we trying?

In a society that routinely uses sex to sell everything — coffee, clothes, cars, fast-food, vacations and more — why do we expect that men won't desire the sexy and sleek images offered up in advertising? By the same token, I don't know many women who aren't equally enthralled by the hard-bodied images of young male models whose chiseled good looks loom large in billboards from Times Square to Timbuktu. Young and good-looking will always be hot. New will always be hot. As we age, we learn that there's more — a lot more — that's sexy and wonderful about men and women.

For men, the incredibly alluring visages of young, 18- to-24-year-old women are, well, incredibly compelling. It's hard for "real" women to live up to the fantasy of young, taut and hot... Now the 22-year-old with whom Spitzer shared sex, you know, the one who couldn't afford her $3,500 a month Manhattan rent, (I don't know many 22-, 32- or 42-year-old who can!) will now rake in at least a mil selling her "sexy" image to Hustler, Penthouse or some other outlet. She'll make bank on appearances and other activities. So the message is: Young sex sells. Most sex sells. The more exotic the fantasy, the faster it sells online, offline, everywhere.

Elsewhere in the media, there's Maggie Gallagher, who, on Yahoo News, probes why political wives stick by their men during times of trouble. She says the practice requires a man to turn the best instinct of his wife, to unite behind the family in crisis, into a tool of her own public humiliation. For heavens sake, are we trying to shame Silda into leaving Spitzer? Are we?!

Maybe we can agree on this: Standing by Silda regardless of what moves she makes, or doesn't make.