Teresa Natole, the most beautiful woman inside and out, my daughter's precious grandmother and my ex-mother-in-law, passed away last Friday. I am very sad. She died on the exact same day as my younger brother, Stephen, did three years ago. March 7th. Weird things like that always happen. On Friday I was teary all day.

Hurt me as much to break off with Teresa and my ex-father-in-law back then as it did my ex-husband, Lou. They were the sweetest in-laws in the world.

I hadn't seen Teresa in about a year. I had kept my distance intentionally over the years, first out of guilt and then out of self-imposed "exile," "protocol," whatever.

Lou remarried and I didn't want to be an intruder in their new family structure. I didn't think I was supposed to. There was a new daughter-in-law. I had chosen to shut the door and now I needed to stay in out.

Over the years, Teresa and I talked and visited a few times, but never as much as I should have or that I would have wanted to. There was always an unspoken love between us, and always, I am sure, an unspoken disappointment in my choice to break up a family. For me there was unspoken guilt every time.

I have so many regrets as I remember her smile and her voice and her kind heart. I really wish I had figured out how to have managed it differently. I kept meaning to, yet the years kept flying by.

My heart is heavy. I know all too well the pain of losing a beloved parent and I am so sad for Lou and my ex-father-in-law and my daughter and the rest of the family.

Now comes the wake and funeral this weekend, and I will be the estranged ex-wife and ex-daughter-in-law...wishing I had done things much differently.